Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
