My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think your dad took our porno
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
