It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
