Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
