I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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