How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
