I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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