some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
