theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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