He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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