Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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