It's like a parade of train wrecks.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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