Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
