So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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