My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
