i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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