wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
