The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
