Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
