i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
