I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...