So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
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Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
