so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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