I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
