Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
