i was born a porn star she said
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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