I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
