Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
