I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
