All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
FUCK WHALES
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
