You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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