I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
