this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
