Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
