His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
