So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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