I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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