If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
