Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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