Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
