the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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