mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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