i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
