Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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