if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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