it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
