I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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