Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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