how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
