I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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