I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
