We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
