You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
