So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
