My friends, they love my intelligence
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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