no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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