i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
