we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
