Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
