oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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